I was Alice
by Leafy Lincoln
Summary: Alice wakes up in the cold, dark world only knowing her name- nothing else. She deals with gathering the information she can about herself, all the while having visions of her soon-to-be future with a strange, beautiful man whom she's fallen in love with.


**A little heads up for all you reading this: All the visions are **_italicized_**.**

My name was Alice.

That was the only thing I knew when I woke from the blackness. That was it, nothing else. No last name, no middle name- not even a nickname. It was just Alice._ I_ was just Alice.

And when I opened my eyes for the first time my name could do nothing to help me figure out where I was and what I as doing there. It was so dark that it was impossible for anyone to see, but, oddly enough, I saw everything. I saw the high ceiling that loomed above me; lights with cracked bulbs hanging from them. I saw the door that was only a few feet away from where I was. And I also saw that next to me was a small tray. It was carrying long needles and containers holding strange looking liquids.

I was lying on my back; head leaned back to touch a cool surface. Well, cool compared to the air floating around the room. My head didn't want to be lifted up, so it wasn't. I just lay there, eyes now unblinking, gazing at the supposed darkness above me.

Alice. That was my name.

I wanted to know more. More about who I was. Where I was. Why I was here. I desperately wanted to grab hold of the information.

My hands twitched.

Something rough and scratchy rubbed against my wrist, grabbing my attention almost immediately. When I glanced down I saw thick straps covered it in a variety of buckles. I checked and verified that similar looking straps were around every limb of my body, though a lot of them were broken. A larger one was still intact and wrapped around my tiny waist. Even though I saw how tight it was strapped I didn't feel any pain. Just annoyance.

My back arched instinctively, pulling my middle up to break the thing easily. I slumped back to the solid surface underneath me with a _thump_. It was the only noise heard in this silent and mysterious place.

Nothing else could be heard.

Nothing.

Not even the breaths I knew my lungs should have been taking. Weirdly enough this piece of information didn't scare me. It just gave me more information.

I was Alice and I didn't need to breathe.

Just to see what would happen I breathed voluntarily. Air whistled down my windpipe, following its course right to my lungs, but for some reason it just swirled around in that space, not knowing where to go next. My lungs no longer functioned in the way I knew they should have.

In the breath I took I tasted the many scents in the room, all of them having a certain bitter flavor. I couldn't make out any of them but I was almost so sure that one of them was similar, if not identical, to rusty metal.

Beside the fact that my lungs didn't work properly I found out that I didn't hear the low beating of my heart. In place of that reassuring sound was silence. Nothing. No _ba-boom ba-boom _that indicated that it was working as to pump blood through my veins.

Suddenly, my throat flared. I couldn't help the small pained shriek that left my lips, some small part of me noticing that it was like chimes. My high voice echoed in the room, bouncing off the walls and coming back to me. Though it sounded demented when it did return to me, scaring and mocking me.

After a few moments the hurting was over and I was left moaning softly to myself. I noticed that I had curled up in a tight ball, breaking the rest of my harnesses, squeezing myself into nothing. Why had I felt like that? Why was I burning? My hand gently and carefully touched my throat, feeling none of the hotness, just the coolness of my skin.

It was then that my questions were wiped from my mind, catching sight of my hand. It was smooth and elegant-looking. I couldn't explain it but I knew that it was pale, almost snow white. That fact didn't make it look less beautiful (it was just that- beautiful); in fact, it made it even more so. My hand was slim and small, the fingers slender with five perfect nails.

I looked at my other hand, finding it to be the same. The rest of my body was just as faultless when I checked: pale, small, and elegant. Even in the bland and tasteless dress that I was in, it seemed to fit, in a way. Knowing it was some kind of metal; I gazed at my reflection through the table.

I gasped.

Staring back at me was a goddess. She looked beautiful with her short, midnight hair that stuck to her face (in a good way). It was a small, round face that was accompanied with a perfect nose and full lips. No one could say she was less than stunning, her whole being seemingly painted by a master artist.

But then I caught sight of the eyes. They were blazing rubies, able to burn someone to ashes. Nothing could seem any redder. Or ferocious. I shivered from the stare that I was undoubtedly giving myself, unable to control the action.

It scared me. I wanted it to stop and go away. But it didn't. Those vicious looking eyes kept their deadly stare on me. Never blinking.

I was Alice and I was beautiful.

Without thought I brought my hands up and pounded them against the reflective surface, screaming at the goddess. The poor table didn't stand a chance. It crumpled like paper where my hands connected; two giant dents now making a home in the surface.

I gasped in surprise and launched myself away from the table. Away from this abnormality. My leg shot out and kicked the thing away from me. It was sent across the room, making much noise in the process. It banged against walls; scraped the floor, making a terrible sound that had a likeness to a wounded animal wailing it heart out. But, fortunately, it settled in a matter of moments and all was quiet again.

I was Alice and I was strong.

I had shoved myself in the smallest place I could find. I wasn't in the least bit uncomfortable with my back to the corner of the room as I curled into myself. My skinny arms wrapped themselves around my legs that were crushed tightly to my chest. I placed my forehead on my knees, feeling the shaking of my body pulse through me. It wasn't from the cold; that was for sure. My toes curled and I squeezed myself in a sort of one-person hug.

The room was silent once again, but the same could not be said for my mind. Thoughts burst and gathered, waging war with each other to be heard.

This new and confusing world scared me. It was full of the unknown. Full of the unusual.

The thing that scared me most was that I was the unknown and unusual. Something was wrong with me. I was different; I could feel it in my bones. I knew that I wasn't meant to live, not meant to be in this world.

I was Alice and I wasn't meant to exist.

I started to cry only to find out that the tears wouldn't come. My eyes were dry as a desert. Why couldn't I cry? I wanted so badly at that moment for the salty liquid to run down my perfect cheeks, for them to drip onto the floor. But they wouldn't, and I couldn't make them.

I was Alice and I couldn't cry.

I curled up in a tighter ball, but my self-assuring hug wasn't so assuring. Everything about me was wrong and abnormal. Why was I here? What was I supposed to do? These were the answers that I didn't and couldn't answer. Burying my head down between my arms I silently prayed that I would meet my end in this dark and dingy room.

I was Alice and I wanted to die.

_A beautiful young man laughed, his voice loud and powerful. Hands in his pockets he walked along, his dark clothes striking from his surroundings._

_ Around him were enormous trees that had leaves in multitudes of colors, ranging from yellow to brown. The few leaves that broke free of their branch slowly made their way toward the earth, their spiraling course graceful and delicate, littering the dirt path. Above the sky was shrouded with light gray clouds, though not yet raining._

_ He looked next to him, having to looking down some, at the person next to him. It was a familiar small woman, her short, pixie-like hair sticking out around her. She danced around him, skipping to and fro, leaping at some points._

_ "Jasper," She said, her voice high and lovely. "why don't you dance with me?" She paused her waltz, looking up at him expectantly. Her short height forced her to crane her neck to look at the scarred man in the face. "And what is so funny?"_

_ Jasper shook his head, still chuckling. "Nothing. I think you look nice when you go off into your own little world." He didn't stop when she did, continuing to walk on without her. As she bounded to catch up he called over his shoulder, "Besides, I wasn't born to dance. I would just ruin it."_

_ The woman frowned, folding her arms, thinking. "How could you ruin it? With your reflexes you'd make a great partner."_

_ Still Jasper shook his head._

_ He was on the third shake when a small hand made it into his own and the body attached to it pressed against his. _

_ "I know you can. I've seen the way you move, so you don't have to be embarrassed or anything." Those eyes of his slid down to see the other's red lips turned up in a big smile. "But, just in case, I'll take the lead. How does that sound?"_

_ A twitch of the mouth was the only thing that told her of his true emotions._

_ "You do realize that we're in a forest. This place isn't fit for dancing."_

_ "Yes, I got that from all the trees." She wasn't going to be turned away on this. "This is as good as anywhere to dance. Maybe better."_

_ With that said she took two steps forward, towards him, forcing him to take two steps back. With her hand placed on his shoulder, somehow getting it all the way up there, she guided them. Soon she wasn't pulling him, but he instead was leading. They swirled pass trees, over fallen logs and small rivers. Never letting go of each other. Never stopping their dance. Five slow minutes passed. _

_ "You're not bad at this." Her pale dress swished around her as she spoke with an even tone. They were going at speeds unimaginable to any human._

_ "Learned from the best." His knees bent momentarily before he suddenly launched himself, dragging his partner along, into the air. A quiet gasp escaped her as they found themselves over yet another fallen log. _

_ "She must be something." It didn't take long for her to find her bearings, keeping up with his movements._

_ "Oh, she is. You should meet her someday." The hand snaked around her waist tightened, bringing her closer. His forehead was now touching hers. _

_ "What's she like?" The hand that was previously on his shoulder had slid to the back of his neck, were a small scar could be seen, and was stroking it gently. _

_ "She's wonderful. She's always on the positive side of life and is so beautiful that it like staring at the sun…" They had stopped their dancing. Now they were just swaying in place to music that wasn't playing. "On the short side though."_

_ "Short huh?" An eyebrow raised itself with an upward twist of her mouth. "I hope that's not problem." Her eyes danced, full of mischief._

_ "No, not at all." Jasper chuckled. "Bending down is no trouble at all. Besides," He stopped the swaying altogether. "I think she's perfect."_

_ "Really? And who is this mystery woman?"_

_ "Only the love of my life..." Their faces were closer now. Each pair of eyes looking deeply into the others, searching and finding all they needed. Both their irises an impossible rich gold color._

_ "Oh?"_

_ He closed the remaining distance, pressing his lips against hers. She responded immediately, putting as much force as he did, holding her own. It wasn't until they broke off that he continued on, "It's you Alice."_

_ "I know." She said, smiling wryly, before he was on her again._

My face snapped up, my eyes wide and darting to every little thing around me. Nothing was out of the ordinary; no one had come in without my knowing. Everything was as still and immovable as it had been milliseconds before.

My feet slid out from beneath me, rubbing against the dirt and cold floor. I leaned my body forward and placed both hands on the ground. My body lifted naturally into a sort of crouch with my head moving from side to side, trying to decipher what had just happened. The non-existent tears had stopped trying to come out, but my lips tingled with a strange sensation.

"…J…Jas…" My voice rang out as high as bells with every syllable. "… per..."

It was difficult saying the name. I wasn't sure if I should've been saying it. What if he came and attacked me? The scars that ravaged his skin were certainly something that had to be taken account on. One only got scars if they got into fights, and that showed how many had tried and failed to harm that man.

But isn't that what I wanted? For my existence to end right there and now? And why not it end at the hand of such a beautiful person.

No, he wouldn't harm me. I didn't know how I knew, but I did. He was very much capable of hurting someone, his scars proof enough, but I didn't believe that someone was me. It might have been the way he interacted with that woman that made me so sure. He was so nice and gentle to that woman.

That woman… was me. A hiss of surprise rose into the air. My body flexed and not even a second after I thought it I was running across the room, dodging around or over random objects. Then, I was there, at my destination. At a standstill next to the busted up metal table in record time. I kneeled down to look at the only part of the surface that wasn't disfigured in any way. And there it was.

Me. My face. The exact face I had seen in that sort of apparition thing, only_ her_ eyes weren't the horrible red that I had.

"Alice." That was her name. It was my name. Her face looked so familiar because it was mine. It was the exact face I had peered at a few seconds ago. Sure, it was cleaner and… happier, but it WAS the same.

As the surprise came and went, a new emotion rose up within me. It wasn't that hard to place either. It was jealousy.

Why did that… imposter get to be next to that angelic looking man? Was life itself mocking me? Did I deserve to be mocked? What did I do to deserve it? If not, why was I being shown these impossible scenes? How did that woman get put into a fate of meeting that man when I was currently in the grimiest of places?

It wasn't fair.

I wanted to meet him. I wanted to smile and laugh with him. I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted to dance with him. I wanted to be happy with him.

Another emotion. Desire.

"Jasper." That was his name. It sounded so nice the way it rolled off my tongue. That was the only thing I knew about him. Now that I thought about it, I didn't care what I knew about me as long as I knew things about him. As long as I could meet him. At the very least, just see him with my own eyes once.

These emotions were so strong within me I moaned with want, clutching at my head. I shook my head, a part of me wanting all the things about the beautiful man banging in my to vanish, but the other half righteously against it. I hadn't even learned much about myself and I was now thinking about this person? Not to long ago I'd wanted my end, and now that apparently wasn't an option with this man. How had he had this effect on me? And why did I have to give in into all this? What was_ he_ to me?

_Jasper smiled, all of his perfect teeth showing._

Everything. He was everything to me. Even if he didn't exist or didn't know that I existed he was so much to me, and more. In the one time I saw him (and that was in some vision), I'd become addicted, like he was some drug to me. It was instant adoration on my part.

I was Alice and I wanted someone I didn't know.

_It was snowing. Small puffs of white floated down to earth. The ground was covered in the cold stuff._

_ Two figures sat on a small bench in the middle of the area, a park. A man and a woman. Tall and short. Their hands were intertwined. The small one was cuddled up close to her companion. Her black hair stuck out from underneath the hat she wore._

_ "Jasper, I have a question." _

_ He didn't answer, but just lifted up her hand and brought it to his lips momentarily. She took that as a confirmation to go on._

_ "Do you know how to make a snowball?" The question itself was innocent enough, but the gleam in the woman's eyes would set anyone back. _

_ The male didn't respond at first, nor did he release her hand. But when he did a small smile played at his lips. _

_ "Of course. I can even make snow angels too, in case you're wondering." _

_ "Then let's have some fun." Her hand came up suddenly, and surprisingly in its grasp a ball of snow. Her grin grew bigger when, with a flick of her wrist, the cold substance found its target. Jasper's face._

_ She giggled as she shot out of her seat, still as graceful as a ballerina. Where she had once been sitting were the remains of three snowballs. Jasper hadn't moved even an inch, or so it seemed._

_ "That's not fair, Alice. You have an advantage." He had stood up now, taking slow steps toward the woman. His boots surprisingly making no noise as he moved, seeing how a good sheet of whiteness covered the ground._

_ "All's fair in love and war." Alice turned around and skipped away from him. _

_ "In love and war…" His lips barely moved as he mumbled the words. Then a grin erupted onto his face. With that he increased his speed. Considerably._

_ The small woman only had time to turn around suddenly, eyes wide, and squeak out, "Jasper?" before she was tackled to the ground. They crashed to the snowy ground with so much force that it shook some trees near them, snow falling off branches. _

_ The ending result being a big entanglement of limbs and snow._

_ "What was that for?" Her entire head was smooshed against a certain chest. The cold snow touching her bare skin didn't seem to bother her at all._

_ "You said it was war…" An arm snake around her tiny waist and another around one of her legs. _

_ "I did say that didn't I." It wasn't a question. She said that with a sigh, bringing her body closer to his in any way. "Well, I also said it was love too."_

_ Her lips drew closer to his, but stopped just before they touched. Letting the desire come into place. _

_ Jasper's eyes darted from her eyes to her lips. A smile of triumph on his face. He drew in with his hands reaching up to cup her face._

_ "Nuh-uh." She laughed. Slithering out of his grip didn't look like such a hard task when she did it. With a graceful leap she was out of the miniature hole their collision had made._

_ Male eyes were left staring after her in surprise. Then an instant later, he was after her. _

_ "Nope, sorry." She dodged every swing he made for her, almost like she knew he was going to do it before he did. "Now that I know you're going to play the game this way..."_

_ With a cartwheel to the right she was taken out of the way of yet another leap for her. A small growl came from within the throat of the angelic man, voicing his want._

_ "Now, now." A perfect manicured finger twitched from side to side teasingly. The other hand shot up to grab onto a branch, pulling her up with ease. "How's this? If you win, I'll give you a little something." She sat daintily, looking down at him._

_ "A little something?" A pale blonde eyebrow arched._

_ "Some people might consider it a big something." A finger twirled a few strands of dark hair while she leaned back. "So my challenge is…?"_

_ "Accepted." Her impish smile was met with one just as wicked._

_ Her laughter echoed around the area as she dodged playful leaps from the tall man. _

I couldn't help the small smile that made its way onto my features. I was starting to enjoy these little sights, even if they weren't real. Though I dearly hoped they were.

But who said they weren't real?

What if, by some impossible and awesome power, they were real? What if life was just waiting for me to act these things out?

If I was to be correct then these _visions_ were what I was going to have- what had yet to happen. Ridding myself from the world wasn't an option now, not if the beautiful man was to be with me. Or me with him.

I was Alice and I could see the future.

A deep stirring occurred within me, growing bigger and bigger until it overpowered the burning feeling in my throat (which I had completely forgotten about). The thought of being with this beautiful man, Jasper, was more important than that fiery sensation, though it still lingered. In a matter of seconds it was just something in the back of my mind that I would get to in the future. I couldn't place what this new feeling was; though I knew it was something good.

I stood up, the action immediate.

_A laugh as low as a bass came from within his throat. _

My bare feet moved with new purpose.

_He frowned as he was beaten in a game of chess. Again._

The distance to the door was covered in less than half a second. The hinges creaked loudly when my hand pushed on it. The hallway was dark, just as the room had been. It didn't bother me.

_"Ugh. How could I ruin a dress this nice?" The soft gray fabric was stained a bright red in certain places, dirt and of the sort was also present as well. Leaves and twigs were weaved into her hair, which was immensely tangled. The dead body of a big and wild looking feline was sprawled at her feet. _

_ "It's just a dress, Alice." Jasper's hair shone pale silver in the moonlight._

_ "It's all fine to you, Jazz." Her hand came up to poke him in the chest and finger a bit of his shirt. The fabric gained ugly crimson stains wherever her fingers touched. "You never demolish your clothes."_

_ "Takes years of perfection." He grinned down at the annoyed woman._

_ "Years?" At first she looked frustrated with the fact. Then a sincere smile lit up her face as she looked up. "And you'll be there."_

_ He picked small bits of twigs out of her hair as he nodded. _

_ "Every step of the way."_

I didn't even flinch when I saw this vision. With the carcass of an animal slumped on the ground. With the casual way the both Jasper and I saw it. I would deal with it in time. When I had more information. About me. About him. About everything.

The door at the end of this path was covered in rust. It didn't pose much of a problem.

I balanced myself on one leg as the other one pulled back slightly. Then I swung. The only thing that broke was the door, all in a heap on the floor. None of my small and vulnerable looking toes were busted, though some rust that had smudged onto my skin.

I was Alice and I was indestructible.

_ "There's a hole in your shirt. Give it to me." Her gold eyes didn't look up as her hand reached out expectantly._

_ The scarred man did so without question. His shirt was off and in her hands before she could blink, not that she needed too. Minutes passed by with no explanation on the small woman's part. She kept her focus on the book she was reading. Or looked to be reading._

_ "Was that-?"_

_ "An excuse for me to see you shirtless. Yes, yes it was." She grinned, shaking the cloth in her hand right at him. "And it worked pretty well too."_

What was beyond the door was something I had never recalled seeing before. Something I knew the name for, but had never experienced feeling.

Sunlight.

Physically, I was still in the shade of the building. But just the sight of the glorious light brought me excitement.

_Jasper's hand reached out to the open where the safety of the shade didn't extend. Usually the seconds that ticked by were slow and stretched, but during his ascend toward the sunshine it was even more so._

_ In an explosion of light Jasper's hand was revealed under the sun. Fragments of light emitted from his exposed skin, blinding to any human eye. Small rays danced across the area, always moving from place to place, never stopping. It was beautiful and nothing less._

_ Without anymore thought, Jasper was entirely under the sun's gaze, a small smile in place. The marvelous effect sunlight had on his hand went the same for his entire body. The many scars running along his body shimmered in the rays, multiplying the light fragments even more. His face was more dazzling than ever before, his features more stunning than any angel. _

_ The gold color of his eyes seemed to melt and swirl, trapping anyone who gazed into them. They looked behind him with gentleness. He reached out._

I reached for the hand that wasn't there.

The next moment I felt the tingly-ness that the sunlight brought to my skin, though the warmth that I expected wasn't as warm as I hoped. Soon my entire body was out of the shadows, and I smiled just as Jasper did when I saw the light dancing around me as it did for him. I didn't even look at myself again, already knowing that my skin was sparkling like a thousand stars. I really only had one thing on my mind: Jasper's face.

I was Alice and I was dazzling.

I started walking forward, the twigs and rather large rocks nothing on my bare feet, set on finding the person I wanted- no, I needed to be with. The thought of finding him set my sights high and soon I was running through the trees that had surrounded my earlier containment, leaping over obstacles. The wind whipped at my face and tore at my hair and it felt great on my part.

For some reason, I felt this need to go faster. It wasn't necessary. I was already going faster than any human vehicle made, but I could go faster.

And I did.

I pumped my legs on. Faster and faster and faster. I was covering huge distances and I didn't want to stop, nor did I. It felt good. Using all my power and strength right then and there.

_"We are strongest when just created." His eyes glazed over for a moment, recalling some distant memory. "But also at our weakest."_

_ "Weakest?" For a moment her eyebrows were brought together in confusion. Then they smoothed out as she nodded. "Oh. I see."_

_ He was sitting on the ground with his legs crossed. His entire being was still. Except for the eyes. They followed her in every move she made. They followed her when she made her way to him. _

_ She plopped herself in his lap. Muscled arms closed in around her. With his red sleeves pushed up to his elbows, his skin touched hers. It was smooth and warm for both of them._

_ "So, that's what happened to you. But don't worry, you won't ever have to go through that ever again." His stillness kept on while she stroked his jaw. Though as her stroking continued, he relaxed his tense muscles. They stayed in that position for a while, just basking in each other's presence. _

_ "Your visions do save a lot of time." He chuckled. His head came down to settle on her shoulder. "Even though we have all the time in the world."_

_ "All the time we need," She agreed, shifting in his arms and kissing his throat, her lips lingering. "and could want."_

But where was I going?

To Jasper. That was the obvious answer. But where was that? When was that? Was I suppose to meet him now? Or maybe next week. What about next month? What if it was years? How could I live that long alone, without knowing when and where I was supposed to meet this marvelous man?

No, I would find him. No matter how long it took, where I had to go, whom I had to face, I would find Jasper. I would figure it all out eventually.

The new and weird feeling surfaced again as I made my resolve. It was stronger now, blooming like a flower that was opening up for the warm spring sun. As I thought about it I found that this blooming sensation was centered on Jasper, but something about this feeling told me something else.

I was Alice and I was in love with this man, Jasper.

It was plain to see, and I wondered why I hadn't seen it before. In the visions it was clear as day, the way he and that woman- me- interacted. But it was the fact that I was deeply in love with him before I even met him that got to me. What did that say? Was that how real love worked? Once you saw the person you had to be with, whether it was face-to-face or in a vision, you were set?

Love was complicated, to say the least.

I shook it all away. It didn't matter, none of it. All that did matter was the man I was going to be with.

_Jasper leaned down, pressing his lip softly against the short woman's forehead. He looked like he was going to say something but the woman beat him to it, smiling as she did. "I love you too."_

_ "Alice," He said, sighing, looking down at her with exasperation. "you have to let me say it first."_

_ "I'm sorry, I saw it and couldn't help myself." Laughing, she tried giving him an apologetic look, failing miserably. "You sounded so nice and it was so sweet."_

_ "Still, let me say it once. For my benefit, at least."_

_ "OK." The woman nodded, zipping her mouth and throwing away the key. She looked up at him, awaiting his next words._

_ Jasper sighed again, but continued on anyways, trying to keep a leveled expression, all the while gazing at the beautiful, innocent face in front of him. Staring straight at her, his eyes softening to a melted honey color, he said, "I love you, Alice."_

I smiled as I continued running, the expression seemingly permanent.

"I love you too, Jasper."

I was Alice and I had a future.


End file.
